There are times when we hurt. Times when those around us hurt. Times when we hear them cry out with David, "God, why have you forsaken me!". The times are real and we want to comfort. But, what do you do? How do you help the wounded and brokenhearted? It is the promise of Messiah to "Bind up the brokenhearted and set the captives free" (Isa 61:1). Yet, how do we help when He feels so distant? Perhaps, like David, we cling to what we know to be true even when it does not feel that way. Somehow we make it through another day. However, we would like to do more.
God does give us some guidance. However, it is often missed and we resort to what seems right rather than what the Word of God suggests. Even then God often uses our feeble attempts to comfort the distressed while we miss the point He has been offering all along. The individuality and independence of our culture makes these times even more challenging. We need to escape the confines of our American and Western upbringings. The scriptures we read and the lessons Messiah taught were couched in an interdependent culture. Community and intimacy within the family and the community at large was true in ways that often escape our grasp. We want to help so we endeavor to "think" and "reason" our way to a solution. And we miss the point. We drop "truth" on the victim where none may be needed.
Paul gives us a very simple piece of instruction that we may well miss as "thoughtful" Americans. "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep" (Rom 12:15). The whole passage is about the intimacy of community. It speaks of how we are to respond and care for one another. We are to "rejoice with those who rejoice". We can be pretty good with that. To share in the joy and happiness of a newborn or healing or the marriage of two souls deeply in love with one another and the Lord. Good times of great joy.
However, He also tells us to weep with those who weep. Here the word for weep is one of great emotion, of the sorrow and anguish of the loss of a loved one. It carries the flavor of David's cry in Psalm 22. I have observed that we struggle with this command. Our tendency is to rejoice with those who rejoice and try to fix those who weep. This is not the intention of the commandment at all.
I have seldom, if ever, seen someone tell the rejoicing to keep an eternal perspective, or to know that God is in control and will not give them anything they cannot handle. I have never seen people share verses to tell the rejoicing to keep things in perspective. And not once have I heard someone walk up to a person filled with the wonder and exuberance of God's deliverance and say, "Remember, this too shall pass." However, I have seen all of these "encouragements" laid upon a grieving heart. The wounded don't need to be fixed, they need to be carried. Paul tells the Galatians to "Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal 6:2). Two things to note. First, the law of Christ is to Love God and Love our neighbor. Bearing one another's burdens fulfills the command to love God by this act of obedience and to love our neighbor by helping to carry their burden. Second, you cannot bear a burden by standing above the pit they are in and dropping verses of encouragement on them. You have to get down in the pit.
The deeply wounded need a shoulder not a scripture, they need understanding tears not platitudes that come from our need to say something. They need the quiet assurance of a friend who is there for the long haul, no matter how they feel, how angry they are and how disappointed they feel with God. They need a nonjudgmental companion who will lovingly join them in the journey of God's healing. They don't need to be fixed, not even with Scripture. They need to be held up by someone willing to take the time and enter into and carry their sorrow with them. To weep with them, without judgment or even words.
I have been married to an amazing woman for over thirty-eight years. She is a profoundly sensitive soul. There are times when I find her weeping. I have learned to gently ask these questions. "Do you know why you are crying?" Very often the answer is "No" so I just hold her and let her cry. If the answer is "Yes" I ask, "Do you want to talk about it?" If she says "No" I offer to just hold her. I learned that the times are very rare that she wants me to fix anything. She does not want a "Word from the Lord", she just needs to be held.
We live in a cold and indifferent world filled with wounded people. In the community of believers this should be markedly different. "They will know that we are followers of Messiah by our love for one another". So be excited as you share in the rejoicing of a brother or sister in Christ. However, be ready and willing to get down into the pit and bear the burdens of the deeply wounded, to gently hold those who feel abandoned. Don't try to fix them, just join in the weeping and help carry their pain. It is what Jesus would do.
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