You Cannot Go Back

It is January second. For whatever reason the start of a new year gives one pause for reflection. It seems a bit strange that the turning of a calendar page is a call for a holiday celebration. I believe that, in a very real way, every day is the beginning of a new year. Each day should be treasured, for we do not know how many are allotted to us. This past year was a mix of unusual extremes. It gave me days of wonder, joy and grace that brought my spirit into God's very presence. And there were days that were so painful that they, likewise, brought me into God's presence; for there was nowhere else to go. I am only into day two of this new year and already my heart is both content with my Maker and deeply grieved for circumstances surrounding some who I deeply care for. It seems the darkness never gives up and never really goes away. However, I am to live in the light as He is in the light.

The memories of this past year are vividly etched upon my mind. It would offer some consolation to make the determination to sort of live there. To allow the pains and the joys to of the past to hold my attention and simply make that my dwelling place. Reflection may invite you to avoid the present and what is to come by living or reliving what has already come to pass. However, God does not intend for us to live that way. The memories of the past are to be instructional, not vocational. We are to live in expectation of what is yet to come. We cannot go back. However, we can live in expectation of what the Lord has before us. To be those who live in expectation of the Lord's return.

Memories are remarkable things. Some are to be treasured as gifts from God. However, not all of our memories are gifts. The difficult thing with being mortal with memories is the way the past can hold you back from living in the expectation of what God has for you today and beyond. Dwelling on past failures and losses has the ability to crush our vision for the future. Living in the memories of past victories can keep us from dealing with or being sensitive to the needs and challenges of today. We can live in a state of unreality where the present is shrouded in a vague mist, keeping us from the clarity of what God has called us to now. The truth is we cannot go back. We cannot relive any of the things that brought victory or defeat. Hopefully we can learn from these events for the present and future are connected to what has been. We just should not live there.

Philippians 3:13-14 holds the Apostle Paul's counsel for the new year, "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I do recognize that I have not apprehended or attained all that is for me. However, forgetting what is behind, is not an easy task. I am reminded of my shortcomings and failures far more frequently than seems reasonable. Things that stem back to my childhood and teen years on up to recent weeks remind me of what I have not attained. Accomplishments can also be debilitating when I think of what has been done at the expense of what is yet to be.

I have known many whose lives are not life but a catalogue of regrets and disappointments. Some that are their own and some that they have gleaned from spoken words and the actions of other people. They have no room to forget, for the wounds and hurt caused is relived in an unending loop of life-sucking rehearsals of whatever the event might have been. Betrayal or having been betrayed. Feeling diminished or having spoken demeaning words that cannot be retrieved. Life is filled with a cacophony of diverse emotions realized through the acquisition of real or imagined events. The question is what will we do with them. We cannot go back to change them. The pages are already written and the scene of life's drama has already been performed. What remains is the present and the future.

I find solace in the truth that the Apostle Paul had yet to master his own advice. He knew of his failures and opposition to Messiah. He knew of betrayal and disappointment. He knew of the persecution for things he believed. He knew of the victories of new believers gathered in new assemblies across the Middle East and on into Rome. He saw the changed lives and the unique fellowship of Jews and Gentiles worshiping together in the name of Messiah Jesus. But, he also knew what it was to feel abandoned and the desire for the simple comfort of a cloak (2 Timothy 4:13). It is not always easy to forget what was and press on to what can be. Life moves inevitably forward filled with memories of what was and conjectures as to what could have been. Still, no matter how much we might wish it to be true, we cannot go back.

With Paul, I must press on. The Greek word translated "forgetting" holds the idea of "no longer caring for". The past is not in my care. The things to care for are now and yet to come. The Master told us in Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." I believe He also meant we cannot go back and live in the past either. 

I have no doubt but that the months to come will hold a plethora of things to touch my life. Things to lift my spirit and others to burden my soul. Memories that I will want to treasure and wounds I will want to bury. My opportunity is to leave the past behind and to live in expectation of what the Lord has now before me. To live in the expectation of His return. To press on toward that goal and upward call of Christ Jesus. Do you want to join me in the journey?