How soft is your heart? There are those who find it easy to be touched by the discomfort or joy of others. Their emotions are moved by the slightest tug on their hearts. They tear up during scenes portrayed by Hollywood to depict the sorrows and joys of life. Even commercials can break the barrier of the tear ducts and have them reach for a tissue. Others tend to be far more guarded and a bit stoic. Some of this is due to culture and our upbringing. However, God has instructed us to be "tender hearted" followers of Christ. Are those easily moved just more "Tender hearted" than those who feel deeply but reserve their tears? Just what does it mean to be tender hearted and how do we get there? It seems important to know, seeing as the Lord expects us to live that way.
To be honest, there are times when the personal nature of God's Word can be hard to grasp or accept. Vulnerability is not high on our "to do" list. We like to keep ourselves protected. To guard our hearts so we do not get wounded or abused. Every hurt or betrayal, no matter how trivial, puts a brick in our emotional wall. We may buy the lie that isolation from potential pain will keep us warm not knowing it leads to the disease called isolation that leaves us chilled to the core. I fear petrified hearts run rampant among the children of God. Yet, the Apostle Paul tells us to be gracious and tender-hearted toward one another. How do we integrate this truth into our lives in a world where self preservation and self protection are a priority in life? In addition, we have this growing movement that tells us almost any act of compassion or concern could be interpreted as sexual harassment. If you notice a person whose body language proclaims they are emotionally hurting do you dare ask if they need someone to talk to? Do you dare offer comfort or your time just to listen? What does Paul mean when he encourages us to have a tender heart toward one another as brothers and sisters in Christ? God knows there are times when we need more than just a verse, we need some flesh and blood warmth that tells us someone understands or at least cares enough to ask.
In Paul's letter to the believers in Ephesus he instructs them to, " Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32. Simple kindness is to be one of the marks of the believing community. However, to be tender-hearted is more. The Greek word is a compound word εὔσπλαγχνος or eusplagknos the εὔ means well or good the second part σπλαγχνος literally refers to your intestines. Thus the King James often translates the word as "bowels". It is a deep seated emotion that touches the core of our physical being. Even in American English we say something is "gut wrenching" or that we have a "gut" feeling about something. Tender-hearted people are moved deeply concerning other people, their needs and their emotional state. The NIV translates the word as compassionate. However, that really does not capture the intensity of how Paul is challenging us to relate to one another. The truth is we cannot respond to one another in a tender-hearted way and keep our distance. This sort of community takes vulnerability and time. Two commodities we often are not willing to part with. The tender-hearted expend themselves and open their lives to the possibility of being wounded. Sometimes deeply.
In my college days we had a large African-American guy in our dorm who was blind. He was a bit older than most of us and was lovingly known as Papa Bear. Some of us held the distinction of being his cubs. For a blind man he saw extremely well. He saw past the facade that most of us wear. He knew when you were discouraged and hurting. He would find his way to your room and ask how you were doing. Then sit on you, sometimes literally, until you told him of what you were in the midst of. He would never betray a confidence. He would grieve with you. He was tender-hearted. He once told me that the way God builds a tender heart was by repeatedly allowing it to be broken until our comfort was fully in Him so we could bear the pain of others. God uses broken people to heal the wounded. This is not the experience most of us invite into our lives. Caring for others is costly for they may not care in return. They may even turn back against you or leave you alone with barely a word. The depth of your sorrow may be splagknos, gut wrenching personal discomfort.
As followers of Christ we are to feel deeply about things, especially about people. This does not mean we are glum and pitiful, for joy can be felt deeply as well. It does mean that we must be vulnerable enough to care and allow ourselves to take the risk to enter into the life of someone else. And to let them enter into ours. Anything less misses the point of being tender-hearted. It also robs us of being able to truly forgive, as Christ has forgiven us. Until we experience some of the pain He did in being vulnerable for us we cannot see the depth of the forgiveness He so freely granted us.
Just briefly let me touch on the other aspect of being tender-hearted. This one is less intrusive and far easier to accomplish. Time. Time spent with others. Time spent listening. time used to let others know we care and are thinking and concerned for them. Let me suggest a profound yet simple way to achieve this. Send someone a "Snail-Mail" letter of encouragement. A typed or hand written tangible physical piece of paper that expresses your prayer and concern. Be honest if you do not know what to write. Just write, "I was thinking of you and praying for you. I honestly do not know how to put my thoughts into words for I cannot fully understand what you are going through ... " See how easy that was? We live in an impersonal world guarded by technology so we can avoid being vulnerable or the need to expend time. We can text, post on Facebook, express all we need to in the limited characters of a tweet.
We can hide behind our smart phones and never feel the pain of a real relationship. Or we can sit down and write, and rewrite, and maybe rewrite again, as we try to find the words that express our concern or joy for a brother or sister in grief or celebration. It may just be a few words on a card. I have noticed that the New Testament is mostly letters that people took time to write. We have Luke, who writes two massive letters to his friend, "I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus" (Luke 1:3). Then there is John who sends a postcard to Gaius called Third John. We have some pretty diverse examples to follow when we add personal letters to Timothy, Titus and an appeal to Philemon. There is something different about that paper letter. It took time to write, fold, put in an envelope, address, add a stamp and drop it in the mail. It took time to care, to be a little tender-hearted and then trust the "snail-mail" folks to get it there. Something to arrive that was not an ad or a bill, just a note from a friend who cared. It just might lift someones day. It might be placed in a box to be read and reread when life seems more than they can bear. A simple reminder that they are not alone. For they have a tender-hearted friend.
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