God's Painful Pearls

Do you ever get frustrated with your brain? It is s remarkable tool God has provided. However, it seems to have a mind of its own, wandering into thought patterns that cause discomfort. I would like to have a disciplined brain. One that reflects the Apostle Paul's claim, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). My brain is more of the "free range" sort of brain, meandering about and finding bits of garbage to feed on. I am grateful for the indwelling Spirit to poke my brain to flee the garbage and get back into the protection of God's hen house I just wish it did not wander to begin with. Time on this planet is limited and wasted with absurd notions, which encourages me to gently tap my head against the nearest wall. Things like, "If I won the $387,000,000 lottery I would ..." knowing this will never happen as I never buy lottery tickets. Yet, there goes my inner being listing the charities, ministries, and people I would be able to bless. The trips to Israel and then follow the Apostle Paul's route through the Middle East, Greece and onto Rome. Books I could purchase, like the Theological Dictionary of the Old Testament, and works of the Ante-Nicene Fathers. Then I snap back to where my mind was suppose to be and I focus on the necessary task at hand.

Perhaps more frustrating are the darker thoughts. Hurts that come back with vivid clarity. Temptations that just do not seem to take a permanent departure but poke out through the recessed folds of my mind. They remind me of that thorn Paul spoke of to the Corinthians, "And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure" (2 Corinthians 12:7). I do not experience the exaltation or abundant revelation, but I can relate to the thorn and Satan's buffeting. It would just be so wonderful to be completely free from such needless thoughts and the wasted time dealing with them. They are like covert pieces of sand in the soles of my cerebral cortex; they slip in and distract me with their irritating fragments of things I dealt with long ago. I have studied, taught the Scriptures, acquired a few degrees, meditated and prayed and the old seeds of doubt and failure still sprout from my memories and send me down mental trails of discouragement. I do not live there, but, the unwanted weeds still return to my mind and need to be extricated before they take root.

Going back to Paul's personal illustration of the thorn I have some hope. There was a purpose for the pain. It kept the Apostle dependent upon the Lord. Without it Paul could have succumbed to the pride that would have damaged his ministry. Perhaps I need to view these irritations as that grain of sand lodged in the tender parts of my mind. I coat them with prayer and tears and lean on the Lord for victory. Yet, it seems the irritating grain remains. So I coat it with another layer of prayer, reminded again of just how vulnerable I am. Over time the prayer coatings have smoothed off the rough edges of the memory, even if it has not been removed. As the years go by, the prayer coatings continue as this memory, though faded, lets me know it will not go away. In the process I have become more dependent upon the Lord. More aware of my own weaknesses. The realization of needed prayer and dependence comes more easily. The barbed irritation has become a pearl of great value. No longer tearing at my mind with painful memories, it is a gentle pressure that reminds me that my life is in God's hands. Whatever the pain or failure the Lord can use the sand to make a pearl of dependence in my life. It can help me see the pain of others and offer comfort from the pearl still lodged in my own mind.

My mind still wanders into stupid things. Moments lost with mindless day dreams and a few vain imaginations. Maybe my brain just needs a momentary vacation from the challenging realities of life. However, the truly painful moments, the darkest barbs delivered by Satan are becoming valued pearls. Pearls made of the ongoing salve provided by God's Spirit as I pray and trust in Him.

Perhaps, I am not alone. It may well be that some great pain, or loss, or failure invaded your life. The painful barbs in your mind have become a source nearing despair. Whatever the cause, like the Apostle Paul's thorn, it can become a pearl of dependence and even victory. The Lord can remove the anguish and smooth off the edges of those thoughts and memories. Coated with prayerful tears the Lord can heal and help you see that He can work through even this to enrich your walk with Him. Even more, He can then use you to help others build pearls out of pain. As was true with the Apostle, God's strength can work in our weakness. Our pain and failures can become God's pearl of great price. The difficult question is, "will we let Him?"