I Never Want to "Get Over It"

We live in a world that abounds with comings and goings. The truth is, things in life are subject to change. From the simple things that wear out, like the toaster oven, refrigerator or technology that seems to come and go overnight. These sort of things are fairly easy to deal with. Most of us do not develop a deep meaningful relationship with a blender, though I have known people to get pretty attached to their cars. However, when it comes to people that is a different story. The comings and going of people can be more challenging to deal with. Social media can ease the parting with face-time and Instagram. But, no amount of technology can help when the parting comes through death. Death is a very real part of the lives we live. And with the passing of years it becomes an all too frequent visitor. It is these times of loss that we are called to cope with. We have grief ministries, and stages of grief and reminders that, "Time heals all wounds". Well, maybe time just dulls the pain a little. By the grace of God healing does come, yet the scars may linger longer than we thought possible. Well meaning friends are there to encourage us to move on. To get on with life and, with time, to get over it. Initial grief and sorrow is expected and comfort is readily available. That first anniversary of the passing often comes with comforting words and empathy. However, beyond that we are expected to get past the loss and begin to start fresh. With the Lord's help, of course.

But what if, in some ways, we are not supposed to get over it? What if God has other ideas of what to do with loss? The Apostle Paul tells those in Thessalonica, "But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13). So we are not to sorrow as those who have no hope. Yet, we are allowed to sorrow. We are allowed to fell sadness. And there does not seem to be some set time limit as to how we can feel this way. I do not see a "Well, it's time to get over it. You've felt sad long enough." I am not talking about a debilitating grief that makes us bedridden as we wait to die. There is, or should be, some expected healing from God's Spirit as we cope with the loss. However, deep relationships are replete with abundant triggers of memories and special thoughts of the one who is gone. As believers, we know where our loved one is. We have the hope of the resurrection, we know they would not want us to be consumed with sorrow. However, are we intended to just get over years of special occasions that are special only to the ones who shared the moment?

I for one do not want to get over it. I am past the sorrow of a lost friend, at least for the most part. I have the full comfort of what God has provided. However, there are times when I miss the, "I am so frustrated right now!" phone call. I miss long talks in the parking lot. I miss knowing someone always has my back. I miss Dunkin Donuts conversations, ice cream at Friendly's and knowing he was just around the corner. I don't get sad quite the way I did at first but I never want to become calloused to the memories that somehow keep the friendship alive. We were not designed by God to go through life alone. I am blessed with a loving, remarkable, supportive, wife, and she is cute on top of that. I cannot imagine life without her. I have also been blessed with a number of friendships, some more like brothers than friends. However, I have only been blessed once with the kind of friendship that has been taken from me. I do not want to get over it. It was a special gift and blessing from the Lord. I want to treasure the memories. Be prompted to relive some moments when we laughed, enjoyed some music and were burdened for our children.  I want to celebrate some answers to prayer that we shared before he went home. I want to feel the prompting to pray for his wife and children and grandchildren, just like when he was here.  I am beyond grateful for the years of friendship and having a brother in the Lord that I may never experience again. So, no, I don't want to get over it. I want to treasure it. I want to remember it for even the pain of loss is something we had shared before. He was truly a gift from God. Why would I ever want to get over it?