No Good Reason

January 11, 2019. That was the date of my last post. There are twelve different partials under the "drafts" menu waiting to become completed thoughts. They remain unfinished as I embark on lucky number thirteen. I have not lacked for inspiration. I have lacked the desire to finish. There is no good reason. Perhaps that is the real reason, no good reason. Life is confrontational and I honestly do not like confrontation. It causes angst in my mind and spirit. It is a driving force that robs the sandman of his power and reduces my already limited sleep cycle. It has the benefit of weight loss. All for no good reason. Quiet times leave me with questions without the answers I seek. That is because I already know what the answer is. Simply put, there is no answer that satisfies my question. I can be content with that, sometimes. There are periods in my life when life itself becomes draining, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. You keep going because there are no other real options, however, at the core of who you are, there is a dryness attempting to wither the joy that should be yours in Christ. A withering that is there for no good reason.

Part of the gap in producing new things to post has been this sort of, tiredness. Writing is usually a pleasurable outlet for me. I just enjoy writing and am occasionally pleased with what the effort produces. I know that the ability I possess is a gift from God that is not bestowed upon all of His children. Matthew 25 makes it clear that the talents given to us are to be used for the Master. So I have no good reason for putting this gift on the shelf for almost a year. To be fair, I did write a full curriculum for a twelve week class in Genesis complete with notes, an accompanying power point presentation and a seventy-five minute lecture for each class. This was followed by the same preparation and process for a ten week class on Matthew. Combined there are eighty pages of class notes plus my notes for teaching and the power point presentations. So the "writing" gift has been employed. However, this is not a substitute for what I have enjoyed writing for this blog. The gift has been used, just not here. There is no good reason for that to be true.

I have determined that if there is a reason, it is due to this inexplicable feeling of drought in my soul. There is no good reason for that to be. Yet, honesty would dictate admitting it has been more real than I would like to confess. I believe in prayer and that Yahweh is real and involved in His creation. I believe He can and does answer, and may choose not to, at least not in the way I hoped and "prayed". It might be easier to follow my friends who are fully immersed in the comforting box of "sovereignty" where everything is predetermined and prayer is no more than a time of worship and just agreeing with God. For them there is no expectation for influence of the divine, everything is set in stone so whatever is, is God's will, and life goes on. What I see in Scripture is a God who is responsive to my requests and to my anguish. When I pray for a suffering friend God hears in that moment and can choose to answer my prayer. It brings me to two realities and a tension in life. One, there are times when God chooses to listen to my plea and answer the way I hoped. Two, God listens to my plea and chooses not to answer the way I hoped. Which leads to the tension of "why?" I can think of many good reasons why God should have agreed with me. Initially, I do not want to think of the reasons why He would disagree. It is true that what I know and believe win out and I accept that God knows best and that His answer is always the right answer. It does not always remove the lingering "Why?"

I have no good reason to let the "Why?s" pile up. However, somehow they do. Why did this beloved friend die? Why did this person leave? Why does God not grow this ministry? Why is this missionary friend compelled to come home for lack of financial support? Why do politicians celebrate the slaughter of unborn children and still seem to prosper? Why do people continue to struggle with life when God could intervene? Why do people write to tell me how God used me to disciple them so they could leave for no reason and minister in the church body down the street? Why did they leave? Oh, for no good reason. After a while, when God chooses to put some of my desires on hold, the "Why?s" become a drying agent. I must also point out that I don't live solely in the dry place. I have great joy and satisfaction with what God provides. I do recognize God's goodness in my life. I rejoice in love of my treasured wife and the blessings of my children, grand children and friends. I see God's wonder all about me in the moments of every day. I am encouraged by His grace and quiet answers. I am grateful for the physical strength He gives me to do lots of projects that bring additional fulfillment to my life. All these are real and true in my life. I am most grateful for a God who loves me and gave His son to be my Messiah, Lord and Savior. None of these are ever in doubt.

However, most of my blog posts flow from places within that is hard to explain. This post is to let you know that if the withering dryness of the "Why?s" touches your soul, you are not alone. If the facade, or perhaps the outer life you live is haunted by some dryness from the "Why? world" God understands. David knew of the dry spells. Most of the prophets held those moments of "Why?" You are still His treasured child. The dryness may seem to remain for no good reason, yet He is there in the dry places with you. Sometimes the wilderness is where He becomes most precious. And sometimes the "Whys" persist, for no good reason, but that does not mean you can't go forward with Him. It does not mean that you are void of the blessings of life. You have the opportunity to rejoice in the goodness and grace of God, even in the dry places.