Ignorance. It is truly bliss you know. Curiosity killed the cat, or so they say. It also kills friendships and can leave you very much alone. It seems every day I am reminded or I find something new that I wish I remained ignorant of. Knowing or never questioning what is accepted is a balm to the searching heart. However, such simple life constructs leave my soul wanting more. But the more I find only drives me deeper into the island where I struggle as a cast away. I relate to Robinson Caruso and Tom Hanks except my companion is neither Friday or Wilson; it is a restless spirit and the Word of God. Marooned on Patmos, I want to flee the revelation from God rather than be swept into the heavenlies. Why must I be haunted by the "whys" that shadow my very being; aching for answers yet fearing their discovery. What was once clearly defined black and white has become blurred and indistinct like sidewalk chalk drawings after the rain.
Today is Saturday. I am to be at rest. It is God's Sabbath. After years of research and study of His Word there is no doubt that I am to be still this day. You may be free to pursue what you like, but I must either rest or be in the service of God's people. His Spirit imposes this thought upon my heart as I look to the lawn mower and sprouting weeds. "Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy", set apart, for God. You shall do no work. He says my body needs rest. One day in seven. But I do not rest easily. Ever. My hammock may rot before it ever wears out from use. God still says, "Be still, and know that I am God". The closest I come to "still" is reading or writing even as I am now. What a simple command. Just stop. Cease. Don't do anything. Yet, if perpetual motion could be put in a jar I could fill a pantry with just today alone. Sabbath is just the beginning. There are abundant other realities that used to be comfortingly benign. But now, new possible meanings chew at my spirit like insatiable termites feeding on the framework of what I used to simply accept as true.
Paul writes, "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God, how unsearchable are His judgements and His ways past finding out" (Rom 11:33). I feel I am drowning in His depths and lost among His judgements. Paul tells me to "study to show myself approved unto God"; however, study just reveals how little of me there is to approve of. Evangelical Christianity tells my to jettison large portions of Holy text so I may rest in my ignorance. To question is folly. It only leads to isolation and ridicule. So much easier to go with the flow. To reject Torah. To say Moses doesn't matter. To remove the unpleasant calls to obedience. To somehow benefit from the Jewish Messiah while avoiding being "grafted in". To find a way to be one who was "far off" and now "drawn near", as Ephesians 2 says, yet without being obligated to the covenant of promise that is now to be mine. To pick and choose what part of the covenant and which promises I want to accept and which I want to take my "Gentile exemption" on. It all seems so confusing at times.
The wealth of the Word of God draws me to come and know that He is God. That He is an integrated Being portrayed as Father, Son, and Spirit. As I study, they become less distinct and more inseparable. Grace flows from the Father, judgement dispensed by the Son, while the Spirit gives life and comfort that escapes my understanding. Still I am told of the "Angry God" of the Old Covenant of Moses and the Law being replaced by the grace and peace of the New Testament Son. Obedience is now "Spirit lead" so there is no need for written instruction. All those requirements just pointed to Jesus anyway. They are just shadows to be spiritualized and placed in a box with other discarded garments called festivals and celebrations. Old cloths that have no place with my new spiritually discerned grace apparel. Thanks to the Spirit I can accept or reject any command given in Scripture. If I don't like it I can just declare it is of the old legalistic, oppressive law that I have been delivered from, by the blood of Jesus. "I can reject this commandment, the Spirit told me so." But, which spirit is directing me to forsake God's Word? I guess I could go with what seems most comfortable with life as I feel right now.......... then that restless Spirit comes knocking again saying "Be holy for I am holy". Separated from the world of easy belief and no need for discipline.
He says keep on. Be like Paul and "press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus" (Phil 3:14). To accept that when Paul wrote, "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness" (2 Tim 3:16). That he really meant it. Recognizing that the only Scripture Timothy could know is the Old Testament, Genesis through Malachi. So if I want to be "fully equipped for every good work" that God might call me to do, the study must continue. The road that sometimes, perhaps often, leads away from the traditional evangelical view is one I must travel. Finding life and joy in the depths of Torah, the Writings and the Prophets. For these words give more than a foundation to the Apostolic writings of the more recent revelation found in Matthew through the Revelation of Jesus Christ. They hold life itself. The writer to the Hebrews says it is living and sharper than any two edged sword. (Yes, that would be the Old Testament as the New was not yet accepted as Scripture).
The journey is likely to be a lonely one. I would invite you to join me but it might mean leaving your comfortable evangelical tradition behind. It might cause you to rethink what you have always thought was true. I might leave you feeling like the only people who really understand are Robinson Caruso and a friend of a volleyball named Wilson. But if you want to come, there is still room on Patmos for another soul searching for God's truth and, at times, running from His revelation.
No comments:
Post a Comment