The Job Effect

 My life is filled with good things. I have a healthy and supportive wife who loves me and is always there for me. I have seven remarkable and gifted children (I do not have two "in-laws" they are all my God given treasures) and am blessed with, soon to be, four grandchildren. I have food, shelter and too much stuff. I type this on a convenient laptop computer that cooperates with me, most of the time. Then, at the time I choose to post these ramblings, it will make these words available to be read by anyone around the globe. I have friends near by and those who are still close even though the miles are extensive. I am attached to extended family with supportive and encouraging "In-Law" parents. and many folks I minister and serve with. I even have those who give sacrificially, to encourage me and meet the needs of my family. The Lord has provided exceedingly abundantly in more ways that I can document here. However, there is more to my life than these God given wonders.

Life also has times of finding ourselves in the shadows. Grays and darkness contrast the joyous colors of the mosaic that is life. In recent days I have gained a deeper appreciation for a man named Job. My thoughts have mingled with the record of his life and I have found some company in the darkness. I have never been through all he suffered and often I do not qualify for the description in verse 1 " that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil." Neither am I confident that I always share in his quiet confidence, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him" (Job 13:15). I do, on occasion, have a vulnerability that drys my soul and causes me to wonder if the Job effect is God's visitation on my life. I write from my own perspective today, but perhaps you can relate to my thoughts when the Job effect visits you.

In numerous places in the Psalms, the testimony is given,"I cried to the Lord, and He heard my voice, and delivered me". However, there are times when it seems that is not so. I do not see the answer I long for. I have not lost sons or daughters, I have not lost oxen and donkeys to the Sabeans, I have not lost camels and have no servants to be killed. My occasional sciatic twinge hardly compares to a covering of painful, oozing, sores that have no remedy. I sit in an air-conditioned office, not on a pile of ashes with a broken pot to scrape my sores. So how, in the midst of this bounty and kindness, can my soul be troubled?

If you did not notice I skipped Job 1:16. "While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants, and consumed them; and I alone have escaped to tell you!” Do you see what is recorded here? It is God who took away the sheep. Not the Sabeans or Amalakites, or raiders from the east. The fire of God took them away.

I am a shepherd, a pastor, a teacher to a flock. I did not ask to be. It is not what I do. It is who God made me and called me to be. I cannot call myself blameless or fully upright before the Lord. I do fear, and respect God much of the time but to say evil thoughts never cross my brain would be an untruth. I am an imperfect shepherd. But I love the sheep. There have been times when I did not want to, times I wanted to lash out at the stubborn, divisive, destructive members of the flock. Times my thoughts were far from gracious toward those who blatantly desired to bring harm to me and, even worse, my family. I have grieved over those who sought their own way at the expense of the rest of the flock and God's ministry. After wreaking as much havoc as possible they left without a thought for the bleeding and wounded souls they left behind. In times like these I cried out to the Lord but it did not feel like He heard my voice. There are quiet moments when the pain still haunts my spirit and pokes at the tender spots of my mind. However, I know He is still faithful. He never leaves, He never forsakes. These times have been few, yet still too many when I know the pain and grief it brought to God's heart. To see His children act this way must be more grievous to Him than I can begin to imagine.

Generally speaking, I survive these times and move on with a confidence in the Lord that only His Spirit can provide. He really does bring healing to a wounded heart. Seeing the sheep go through such damaging and unnecessary times can leave ones soul feeling like you have been caught in a bout between Rocky and Apollo Creed. Yet, those events are ones you can chalk up to sin, rebellion, misunderstanding, pride and the nasty old nature that hangs around our necks more often than we may care to admit. In all these things God is there. In all these things God gives strength and the ability to forgive and move on. My personal Job effect comes from the slow bleeding of prayers that seem to go unanswered. It is having to watch a family slowly self-destruct. They choose to refuse to follow God's simple instructions for reconciliation and blessing. Pride and shadows of the past bleed their relationship dry and divorce now seems to be a welcome escape. They fail to see the truth that the bleeding will not stop after the papers are signed. The Job effect visits me in the sudden loss of one who is closer than a brother. God simply took him. It also comes the midst of hours of prayer, crying out to God to heal the broken. Those so dear to me that are suffering from some disease that slowly, painfully sucks away life. Yet, the disease progresses. I believe God has a purpose. I believe He has a plan. But, I still wait to hear His voice and see the answer that never comes. I feel as though I have been deserted, left alone in the shadows.

Like many pastors I honestly love the sheep. In a very real sense they are my life. I desire to see them grow strong in their understanding of God and His Son, I pray for them to know the joy of His Spirit and to discover and use their God given gifts and abilities to further His Kingdom. Like most shepherds, I desire the flock to grow, to reproduce and become stronger and more effective in ministry. I witness a world where the thing I love most, outside of God and my family, is just a convenience to many around me. Life is filled with comings and goings so an aspect of shepherding is saying farewell to sheep who move on. They have sought the will of the lord as they prepare to leave. However, I have found few who seemed moved to seek and to pray for new sheep to fill the part of the body they will vacate. The new post-retirement home or job promotion is in clear focus. The impact of  their departure on the fellowship they leave behind has barely crossed their mind, if at all. Retirement, job promotions, can be good things, and I celebrate with those who are directed by the Lord to begin new chapters in their lives. However, the celebration is bittersweet. For there will be missing parts in the body if they are not filled by new sheep. So I call out to the Great Shepherd and ask that sheep be added to the flock and that His ministry would expand for His glory. But there are times it seems like God sends a fire from heaven to take the sheep away instead. I look at Job and wonder how he accepted loss and death and pain and could still say "If He slay me yet will I trust Him".

Perhaps that is the purpose of Job. To be honest I find the story unsatisfying. It is true, God gave Job his stuff back, however, Job's first children stayed dead. It took years to replace his family, his standing, and possessions. To top it off, God's answer was, "Where were you?" As I pray for the growth and ministry of the church I love, for the church I know He loves, "Where were you?" does not feel all that helpful. I also know I am not alone. I know the hearts of many pastor's and it really does not matter how large or small the assembly, disruption to the flock is always painful. Loss of families and friends is a part of the life and the culture we live in. Ministries rise up and dissipate, sometimes for no apparent reason, other than God. I have prayed with pastors going through challenging times in ministry. I have seen ministries come to a close in spite of heart felt prayers and a faithful witness. It seemed God's answer was "Where were you?" Not the answer we hoped for, but at least with our friend Job we know we are not alone, However, when all is said and done there is no other calling I desire. There is no other place I would want to be. No other love I would want to own. Maybe Job is right, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" just might be the answer after all.

As life progresses, as you fulfill your plans and dreams, know that you are not incidental to the family of God you fellowship and worship with. Think about the hole you leave behind should the Lord choose to move you. Give some thought as to how God might want you to pray concerning the part of the body that will not function as well without you. Praying for and preparing those to fill your spot is a very good thing to do. When it comes time to give an account of how we transitioned from one church family to another, "Where were you?" is likely not the question you want God to ask.